Player Comments on The Village That Was

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer nor a seasoned reviewer, so exercise your own discretion. As for potential readers of this story, I will mention many spoilers; please do yourselves a favor and read it before this review.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

There’s not much in the description except an ominous line that it’s raining again. Going into this story, I wasn’t sure what to expect regarding the plot. I like the recurring motif presented from the start, with the chapter title of ‘light drizzle’. Will the story be organized by the stages of rain? I enjoy seeing this sort of thematic structuring, perhaps with rain being a metaphor/ symbol throughout the story.

The atmosphere was crafted really well through sensory descriptions. As the story begins in a rainy, foggy location, it creates a moody and downcast tone. Good use of pathetic fallacy here, I felt quite immersed in the setting. Revealing information about the location and characters through conversation was a nice touch—this meant avoiding info-dumps or slowing down the plot. There was good pacing throughout; the narrative flowed well.

A slight grammatical error: ‘you world’ should be ‘your world’. Also, I’m probably nitpicking here, but it might be better to use more distinct names for the newspaper and village. ‘Crantley’ and ‘Cranner’ were a tad too similar which could confuse readers.

There was good characterization of the protagonist, too. His backstory, ambition and knowledge of his own talent were all interesting elements; I got the sense he felt he had to do a job he was overqualified for. This tied in with the driver’s impressions of the village and how nothing ever happened there.

The first page left just enough information unrevealed to keep me invested. There were hints at future conflict: for instance, when the driver said “Well, you’ll see” and the protagonist was unable to ask him what he meant. Also, the line about “You'll be wanting all the luck you can get out there” added to the underlying ominous tone prevalent throughout the story.

SETTING

Given the prompt that was chosen for the contest, the setting played an integral role. Lots of well-placed descriptions prevented the white-room syndrome: even as I write this review, I can still picture the waterlogged islands, complete with its cold, damp air and flooded terrain. There was a lot of emphasis on the weather throughout the narrative. The protagonist used it as a way of initiating conversation with several individuals throughout the story (e.g. “Nice weather we’re having?”). In a way, it felt almost British based on my experience of having lived here for a few years: there’s the constant talk of the weather; dismal, gray landscapes; lots and lots of rain (it comes so unexpectedly too).

Anyway, let’s not get sidetracked. The flood was foreshadowed well from the beginning—when the driver mentioned it and how catastrophic it was to the village—and then again, when the protagonist questioned a relative of the deceased who mentioned it. This made the narrative more cohesive, given it was one of the main sources of the human vs nature conflict in the story. At first, I didn't really see the relevance of the ‘plague or famine’ prompt until I noticed the subtle parts where it was implied: mentions of a past food shortage, and the pamphlet about monthly rations. Then, as the story progressed, and the tensions surrounding the flood ramped up, this prompt came in at a good time to increase the stakes even more.

Oh, guess I was right about this story being set in the UK! The references to Arsenal, the Bake Off and Earl Grey tea were very British. This story is also written in British English; not sure how I didn’t notice at first.

Throughout the story, I loved the way the rain was a recurring motif. (spoilers) I’ll probably mention more about it later, but it was there, in the background, of all the significant scenes: after the funeral, when the protagonist chooses to leave Crantley, and it even gets heavier after a boat is stolen, they’re out of medicine and a member of their community is sick.

Neat reference to Atlantis, the lost city, as the title of this is ‘The Village That Was’.

It was fascinating to see a story about the destructive forces of nature—storms, rain, flood and wind—and how individuals’ true colors are revealed in the struggle for survival.

Since I noticed the author edited the story to correct a typo, here are some slight misspellings I found: ‘hve’ (Rain Check), ‘townspeaople’ (Try to Get Help) and ‘ot’ (Leave for the City). Editing was pretty good otherwise, though, as those were the only ones I caught.

CHOICES

I was surprised by the amount of branching in this story. There were more unique paths than I believed at first, especially as it was organized by chapters. Depending on the choices you make, your chapter 2 and 3 could be completely different from another reader’s.

At the start, we were given choices revolving around information-gathering. This made sense seeing as the protagonist was an investigative journalist. Then, closer to the end of the first chapter, the choices were more significant and could change the direction of the story.

There were some parts where seemingly insignificant choices like where to look for a boat meant the story split into separate directions, though I enjoyed that. It all made sense given the sequence of events presented in the narrative. There was great use of delayed consequences too—such as the choice between staying with the Sanders or at the hotel—and these led to different branches. There were similar scenes which could be experienced differently: in one path, it’s mentioned how a group of elderly kept interrupting each other, in another, this was shown in more detail. I didn’t realize this until my second readthrough, but whether or not you choose to converse with a character could determine the information that is revealed (i.e. whether you see Jasmine’s letter).

Another thing I liked was how every chapter began with a type of rain and quote (which corresponded to/ foreshadowed the future events within that chapter). I never knew there were so many poetic quotes about rain.

CHARACTERS

Strategic use of character—an investigative journalist—for this story. From the start, the protagonist took on quite an interrogative role even when he was just making conversation, which gave the reader new information about the village. The protagonist’s characterization was revealed in bits and pieces, sprinkled into the narrative, whether through his actions or the memories that are sparked (e.g. when he remembered his past at the church). As the story was about human nature in the face of natural disasters, this enabled readers to empathize with the protagonist more.

Not sure if it’s intentional or a mistake, but are the years in the diary meant to be XXXX? Or was that part of a first draft and you forgot to replace it with a date? This was seen on the flyer, too: XX/2/XXXX.

The side-characters were interesting to read about. For instance, the deceased had quite realistic diary entries: she briefly mentioned world events, before focusing on what was most important to her life, like the milestones of her family members. From the different conversations, I got the sense she was more or less an ordinary woman—some people liked her, but others, not so much. Also, depending on whether we chose the pictures or diaries, we could see either a more positive or negative view of her life. It was a subtle detail but I liked how Paul tried to direct the protagonist to the pictures (positive memories).

Then, there was the shady character who was disappointed the deceased wasn’t murdered lol. We also had other well-written side characters, like Emory, whose bluntness in conversations was enjoyable to read. Jasmine’s character was sympathetic too, given that one emotional ending.

PLOT

I liked the notepad and its reminders depending on the choices we made. Usually, with mysteries or stories where lots of information is revealed, I find it difficult to determine what is or isn't relevant to the story. Sometimes it may feel like an information overload. Thus, this little item was a great way to point out what was most relevant to the reader.

First, I’ll briefly discuss the theme. As with lots of survival stories, the readers have to care about the characters and by extension, their survival. This was done quite well. Furthermore, one of the characters said “communities last longest”, which appeared to be a consistent theme throughout the story. By choosing to save the furniture with a group of people as opposed to individually, the outcome is more effective. Selecting selfish options—like leaving a character to her fate or stealing medicine for yourself—led to disappointment and death.

I loved how the tensions and stakes kept rising (like the water levels) as the story progressed. (Spoiler) Fighting broke out, people tried to flee, and situations kept worsening. One of my favorite endings was the scene where the protagonist saved a character from committing suicide. I like the line: “She came here to die; you came here determined to live”. This scene was somewhat emotionally evocative, especially considering the context and how it was foreshadowed in most of the protagonist’s interactions with her. This illustrates the toll that natural disasters may take on a person. And I smiled at the part where it says the rain has stopped—through the story, it represented sadness, endless tears and grief, yet in that moment, everything seemed to be better. I found it a nice ending: the protagonist came to investigate a death but ended up preventing one.

At first, I thought I didn’t discover the ‘true’ or ‘main’ ending, but now I think I’ve read them all. So…it feels like the first half is a separate story from the second half. The first half involves more of an investigation, and maybe I had the wrong impression, but based on the notebook and differing viewpoints of the townspeople of the deceased, it appeared like there was a greater mystery behind her death (or at least some shady secret to be uncovered). It probably didn’t help that I took note of the part where Paul implied more than one journalist came to ask about his mum. Yet, the death wasn’t considered big news. Was this foreshadowing there might be more about it than meets the eye? Unless I missed something, this wasn’t the case.

Then the second half of the story—regardless of whichever path was chosen—is a tale about a community of people trying and struggling to survive a flood. There was lots of branching but even though it involved the same characters, it felt quite different from the first half of the story. Namely, the protagonist’s main goal had completely been disregarded.

Now, genre switches or changing the trajectory of a story could work, but here, it just didn’t feel that cohesive, as if the first half was building up to something quite different than what was delivered. And I guess this is what made the ending of the story feel rather abrupt, as another comment pointed out.

The main character’s personality and goal, for instance, was to write a great piece. This was also shown through the notebook feature. Yet, the notebook was no longer relevant (and no new information was added) by the third act of the story. The protagonist’s choices became about self-preservation or saving others. This made sense given the story, though it didn’t have as much of an impact as it wasn’t tied to his characterization or internal conflict. If, for example, he was shown to be self-centered or hyper-independent, there would be more of a character arc flowing from the second half of the story. This could also build upon some of the implied themes like the importance of community and helping others. I’d have liked to see some connection between the deceased and the second half of the story too: maybe her past actions inspired a solution to escape the flood? Or perhaps, she had a secret which, once discovered, enables the characters to get away to safety.

Nevertheless, this was a solid story about survival. Actually you could ignore everything I said if you had intended to create a specific effect. As the disclaimers say, this review is just the thoughts of a random reader. Only after writing all that do I realize the sudden shift could have been done to shock the reader. In real life, if a flood comes in without warning, it disrupts everyone’s lives, changing their previous goals and ambitions. In the same way, the protagonist arrived with a different objective, was committed to it, and all of the sudden, the circumstances changed; so must the story change as a result.

TL;DR

This was a solid story about survival and community, and I loved how it had a strong sense of atmosphere and worldbuilding. I definitely recommend it to any readers glancing at this review.

I love the down-to-earth atmosphere of this story. The mechanic of notepad was an engaging mechanic and I played this storygame several times just to see how many different pieces of information I was able to find. The characters are very well-written and I like exploring the village and getting to know the people. It makes the player all-the-more invested in helping the village survive the disaster. I was hooked and kept wanting to read more.

And then it ends a bit abruptly. The ending with Jasmine was a bit strange as I felt that I, as Caleb, never develop enough of a relationship with her for him to react that way after saving her. Of course, I wanted to save her, but based on the first route I played, I read her as almost a complete stranger. Further play-throughs didn’t help. I feel like it needed more development, and I felt like I never found a path that gave that. I also felt that this story was lacking something important that it didn’t give itself enough time to tell. I wanted to see what the connection was, concept-wise, with the focus on the passing of Marlene Davies and the flooding of the village. I could speculate, but I feel like any connection theme-wise is thread-bare. I like the ideas here, but there’s a crucial piece missing.

Still, the writing that is here is top-notch. I definitely enjoyed what I got regardless.

I enjoyed this quite a lot - atmospheric, detailed, and very well written. The reader is presented with lots of opportunities to learn bits and details about the village, and while many aren't consequential for the story they help paint a rich picture of the dreary, despairing village.

I would like to point out the distinct cast of characters, each with their distinct personalities - it helped keep the village *alive*, and made me care about their outcome more than if they were just names on the screen.

Branching was pretty expansive with lots of different ways to end your story, and there were plenty of worldbuilding/background readings. SPAG looks solid.

In one of the endings I noticed what seemed like an [outline for the page, outlined by these brackets]. Didn't see anything out of the ordinary aside from that.

A vivid, moody mystery/modern story. Great work!

Great game! I loved the use of the notepad.