The White Face

by goosebumpsreader

Description

You have America's future in your hand. You are a brave indian warrior. Little Sparrow is your friend, a girl who wants to save the village from pale faces. She will befriend a brave pale face. She'll help you on your journey too. You must stop the war. Will you fail or suceed? It's your choice. Free the land and win a war, or will you spy on the pale faces? will you have a certain death, or a certain sucess find out in THE WHITE FACE.

Stats

(on a scale of 1 to 8)

Maturity Level: 4 - need to be accompanied by an adult
Game Difficulty: 6 - wandering through the desert
Play Length: 3 - A nice jog down the driveway
Player Rating: 4 - slightly more fun than homework (based on 16 ratings)
Played 46 times and finished 16 times since 9/9/2007

Comments

this was shorter than taking a pee. it seemed like a good idea but not enough effort put into it.

-- deadly_sinner66
11/23/2007 2:15:18 AM:

Could be an interesting story, but there are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, and the story is too short to really get into, even after I tried several paths.

-- madglee
11/15/2007 10:42:40 AM:

goosebumps, you are a good writer. You need to spend some more time expanding your storyline before posting a story though... There isn't much of a story here, you just go to the water and check out a ship and then the story ends after you do one or two things.

Go to the ship, shoot someone, die - this is not a story.

Go to the ship, shoot someone, barely escape, lead an raid on the white-man, battle ensues, win or lose the battle, the after effect of the battle - this is a story.

Expand on what you have, and what you will have is gold.

-- donteatpoop
11/1/2007 8:12:45 PM:

The story telling wasnt too bad, but I found two major errors in it.
1. Instead of saying "you are an indian", say "the afternoon sun, hit your brown skin and warmed you" or something.

2. Its bordering on really really really clich� I've Heard Little sparrow quite enough. Also the term is first nations not indians.

-- JJJ-thebanisher
9/27/2007 7:27:21 PM:

The writing style (especially the end game) is a lot like the classic CYOAs. There's definitely the potential for a good story here, but it's undermined by grammar/spelling errors and game glitches.

-- Sethaniel
9/9/2007 10:16:43 AM:

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