DRIVE

you suck

I won’t say a lot because it seems Wizzy is aware of a lot of the faults in his own story, mainly it being unfinished and riddled with SPAG errors, but I will say that I did like the uniqueness of the storygame and how knowledgeable he seems to be with guns. Though I did think the dialogue seemed a little juvenile at times and reminded me of certain young adult novels.

The cyberpunk atmosphere to this story is well-realized. I like the description of the action and the back-and-forth banter between characters.

The spacing format is a little jarring for me as I need to do a lot of scrolling to get through pages, but that's just a personal preference.

The story does seem a bit rushed (makes sense for the contest deadline), which leaves a lot of questions regarding worldbuilding, the schizophrenic voice and the stakes of the conflict. I love the idea of another version of this story where the players gets to make more decisions during the race that affect her performance and position.

Action packed, fast paced, and vivid characterization. Wizzy has done well to capture attention here.

From what I could see, though, the story feels about 30-40% complete. I would like to read more about the brother, the worldbuilding, and the DRIVE competition itself. Unfortunate, but understandable as it was rushed out for the competition.

Definitely a good basis that needs much development and flesh. Good work.

3 typos, 1 minor continuity error. 1/8

A great story, although I would have liked a little more character development, it was an enjoyable read! I'll say it again: great story!